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Claw of the Wild (transcript)

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Dani's ghost "Awww man!"
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The episode opens on a bus. Danny and Tucker are bored, while Sam is excited.
SAM [Happily] Summer Camp... How great is this? We can go hiking, and canoeing, and exploring. I can't believe you guys aren't excited.
DANNY [Sarcastically] Oh, I'm really excited. Now instead of spending five days a week with these losers, I get to spend two whole months. [As he speaks, someone from the front throws a paper airplane to the back. Dash catches it and hits Mikey with it.]
SAM I can't wait to show you all the wonders nature has to offer.
DANNY Does it offer a movie theater? Or a video arcade?
TUCKER Don't worry, Danny. You bring the anti-venom serum, I'll bring the arcade. [Holds up two handheld games and a game box for "Rain Forest Demolition II.] Here's all the nature we need.
DANNY [Excited] Rain Forest Demolition II? Oh-ho sweet! [Grabs the box] Who wants to help me build a virtual Fenton Acres?
SAM [Sighs and looks at a brochure] I'll stick to the real thing, thanks.
The brochure is of Camp Skull and Crossbones on beautiful Lake Eerie. On the brochure is a picture of the campsite, which has green grass and a blue lake. Sam puts down the brochure and sees the campsite, which is run-down, old, and raggedy.
TUCKER Good choice.
The bus stops by the mess hall, which is just as run-down. All the students get off the bus and look at it.
DANNY Well, the brochure may be outdated, but at least that sign's accurate.
TUCKER [Sees a sign that says "Camp Skull and Crossbones on beautiful Lake Eerie"] Creepy with two E's alright. In fact, this may qualify for three.
SAM Come on, you guys. There's nothing scary about this place.
MR. LANCER Hello, pioneers.
Mr. Lancer and Ms. Tetslaff step out, much to the students' horror.
DANNY Mr. Lancer? Ms. Tetslaff? What are you doing here?
STUDENTS [To themselves] Please say "Just passing through." Please say "Just passing through."
MR. LANCER Children, relax. For the next eight weeks, we're not your teachers.
All the students breathe a sigh of relief.
MS. TETSLAFF Better: We're your counselors. [The students gasp with horror] So our hold over you no longer stops at 3:00 in the afternoon. It lasts the whole, entire, livelong day.
MIKEY Before I burst into tears at the thought of my lost summer, can you tell us where the bathrooms are?
MS. TETSLAFF There aren't any. [Students gasp]
MR. LANCER [Shocked] Call of the wild!
MS. TETSLAFF Suck it up, Lancer. You're in the wilderness. All the world's your bathroom. [Hands a roll of toilet paper to Lester, and he and Mikey walk into the woods.]
KWAN I heard this camp is haunted.
DASH Me too. The say there's a monster in the woods at Lake Eerie.
PAULINA And two in the lake. [The students start talking amongst themselves.]
DANNY [Sarcastically] Just what we need: Amateur ghost stories.
MS. TETSLAFF [Blows her whistle] Pipe down, campers. This camp is definitely not haunted.
MIKEY [Screams and runs to the others] There's a ghost monster in the woods, and it took Lester!
The students, and Mr. Lancer, become horrified. The scene changes to later.
MS. TETSLAFF Calm down, soldier! [ Places a blanket around a very shaken Mikey.] There are no monsters at this camp!
MIKEY Tell that to the beast that just ate Lester.
MR. LANCER [Worried] Beast? How big is a beast compared to a monster, anyone?
DANNY We should check out the woods.
MS. TETSLAFF Negative. This camp is now under lockdown. Everyone report to their cabins. Mr. Lancer and I will search for, uh, Lester's remains. [Mikey and Mr. Lancer scream.]
SAM It's OK. We'll find Lester. Lancer and Tetslaff won't ruin the whole summer. We can still have fun. [Twitches]
Nightfall, Sam is lying in her bed, bored, while Starr does Paulina's hair.
SAM This can still be fun.
PAULINA So he was like "No way," and I was all "Yes way."
STARR No way.
SAM This can still be... I'm doomed.
Suddenly an ominous green glow is seen coming from the window.
STARR Did you see that green glow?
PAULINA It must be swamp gas.
STARR The monster in the woods must have gotten it from eating Lester.
Sam looks out the window and sees Tucker and Danny, now in ghost form, who's causing the green glow with his hand.
DANNY Psst. Wanna come out and play?
PAULINA Quick. Hide my moisturizer from the monster.
STARR Let's like, stand on chairs so he can't get us.
SAM What do you think? But are we prepared to go into the woods?
DANNY [Tucker pulls out a Fenton Thermos while Danny pulls out a pair of Fenton Wrist Rays] Thermos and prototype Fenton Wrist Rays courtesy of my unsuspecting Dad.
TUCKER Most kids worry about packing enough underwear for camp. Then there's us.
The camera fades to the woods. Danny is in front provide a green light with his hand. Sam checks out her new Wrist Ray.
SAM Look at you, Tucker. Out in the woods at night. I'm impressed.
Tucker thinks back to earlier in their cabin, when Dash and Kwan were constantly bouncing a hackey-sack off their heads.
DASH So I was like "No way," and she was all "Yes way."
KWAN No way.
TUCKER [Back in the present] It was worse in the cabin. Trust me.
DANNY [Sees footprints.] Guys. Footprints.
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